Isolation

I spent a lot of time alone just wondering if it was the best thing to do. I couldn’t bear to leave my house, even to go as far as to exercise so because of that I just stayed home alone and lived in complete silence.

During my summer, I was back after a refreshing trip from Baltimore where I had a wonderful time with friends enjoying the most, really cool comic based themes for the closing of the 2016 “OTAKON!! At the Baltimore convention.” Now that I was home, I had wonder how to feel after going from meeting and spending time with wonderful people at the convention that I had a great time with, to suddenly…going back home and not doing anything at all. Yes guys, this is something that the most of us have faced, dealing with isolation, or trying to figure out whatever we may want to do next.

After coming home from Baltimore I really struggled with what to do next, afraid to go out there and see if there was anything worth exploring with the last few weeks of summer I had left. I spent a lot of time alone just wondering if it was the best thing to do. I couldn’t bear to leave my house, even to go as far as to exercise so because of that I just stayed home alone and lived in complete silence.

While this is the struggle for me right now during my final year of school, I’ve often thought, “What do I do?”, “Where do I go?” after a really hard day of straining my brain over course materials and an at-school job. Long days at school and work make me want to sit back and completely shut my eyes for the rest of the day and makes it hard to handle the small issues life throws at me. Being in my last year as a student at the Community College of Philadelphia, I have felt the tension and excitement for going through my last year of college. However, I’ve sometimes had a hard time thinking about what to do next whether because I am too nervous, or I just don’t want to out of a very hard day of working.

Sometimes, it’s even hard for me to contact certain friends for anything because I feel as though that I enjoy that time being alone. It may be a good feeling, but it’s also strangely, a dull one too. Even though I used to find some joy in simply leaving myself out of times of leisure, I also tend to leave myself out during times with family, and that’s where my isolation feels more like a weakness. The fact that I tune EVERYTHING out around me makes me forget that I can open up to people yet, I choose not to for reasons practically unknown.

Pretty much, I love to be the “background guy” in any conversation and try to find my way out of a conversation because I think my inputs aren’t going to make sense, but the more I think this way the more it may affects me in the future. This may become a growing problem for me in the future and even though it’s hard to break out of the issue of leaving myself out, I can’t let it consume my entire life.

 

About the author
My name is Khylil Robinson, I recently finished taking classes Community College of Philadelphia. I am really glad to have this opportunity to share my personal experiences towards other autistic individuals like myself. During my spare time, I like to improve my typing skills and play video games. I don’t think I am as good as I think myself to be, but I have accomplished a lot regarding my disability and I want to keep on moving forward in life and in school. I intend to fulfill my goal as a public speaker for autism and a math major in the future.